Sunday, May 10

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day all you Mums.

I've had pancakes, scones with jam and cream, chocolate cake, fudge and Sam's beautiful take on Salade Nicoise (which is my favourite meal). What a fat piglet I feel. We had a trip to Evandale Market where flowers were bought for me (and the chocolate cake, scones and fudge!), went to do a pre-settlement inspection of the new house (Tuesday - yay!) and then got some time to myself as I really want to polish off some orders before we get the house. I can see myself not wanting to spend much time sewing!

Please don't take the following as negative comments about being a Mum or my daughter. They're just how it is for me. I'm a little nervous about having another baby. There's the physical pain post birth and struggle to breastfeed from last time that worry me a little but the main thing is that I lost myself for a long time after I had Chloe. Maybe post natal depression, I'm not sure, I never talked to any doctors at the time and didn't recognise how bad things were. Anyway, it took me a while to feel like I'd come back or even realise I was still there somewhere. Today I've been thinking about it a bit. I've changed a lot since I had Chloe. I've done some study, started Black Eyed Susie and gained a lot of confidence, made a lot of new close friends and really feel much stronger. So I'm optimistic and (here's the point of this) I had a little moment today in the house by myself ironing some work with the music blasting where I felt completely me and completely happy.


JasperBoy said...

Happy Mother's Day Suse.

Jen in Melbourne

sophiehillartist said...

Suse, music blasting + ironing board = never sounded so good!
Good luck with it all - mother's are amazing creatures, I can't wait to be one in the future!

leslie said...

happy late mother's day to you! and i feel the exact same way about having a second baby (someday) but the farther along i get with my first, the more i think it will HAVE to be better! it couldn't be such a shock to the system as the first, you know?

Angie said...

I know lots of women who have been through those emotions after becoming mothers, it's so beyond what we (or at least I)expected!

The second was nerve-wracking for me as I wondered how I'd manage a baby again with a I wonder how it will be with a baby again & 2 little people on the go. I learnt babies are way more adaptable than I had thought & I trusted my ability to be a mother much more the second time around.

Hope some of the above makes sense.

Good luck with the moving, it all sounds very exciting (& busy!)

Jenny said...

Suse, I'm sure you will be fine with your new baby. Each of us is a different parent with each new child because we have been shaped by experience.
Just remember to grab a delicious little moment here and there and mark it as yours.
And remember to breathe, deeply and joyfully.

Loz and Dinny said...

This whole motherhood thing is one crazy, crazy ride ... I think the feelings of feeling lost amidst it all are so very real... I think with time we just learn to be kinder on ourselves (hopefully)...and realise the 'bumbling through it all' is completely OK. I'm preparing to be armed with a couple of casseroles and chocolate cakes when we come to visit xx

Tania said...

I'm prepared to airmail casseroles and chocolate cake!

I feel a bit 'what right have I to say' but I had such a tricky time coming to grips with a third pregnancy after two difficult births and a shocker of a recovery with the second. In the end it was an independent midwife who provided some amazing help with getting my head around things. And the quite out there home waterbirth thing (after previous emergency caesar) was such an unbelievable experience, it saw me through the first year! I reckon those doubts you are having are just the tricky part of that rollercoaster ride that is being a Mum.

Now I'll get back in my box! (and lovely to have you stop by).

Poppy Fay said...

Suse - I have had very similar thoughts to those you describe. When I had my first baby, I was expecting the birth to be painful - and it was - but I got through it. The whole post-birth recovery, however, was a total shock. I really thought I'd feel back to normal within two weeks and, boy, was that not the case! Breastfeeding, too, was very painful for the first few weeks until my boobs got used to it. I also suffered from an acute feeling of loss of self and went through a period of postnatal depression.

Now 30 weeks preggers with number 2, I don't really have any qualms about the birth but I can't help the sense of dread over the recovery and establishment of breastfeeding, and the sleep deprivation and loss of personal freedom, that creeps up on me sometimes during quiet moments.

The thing I cling onto is that past experience has taught me time passes, bodies heal and pain fades, babies sleep and eventually we can reclaim time for ourselves again. A friend of mine at work shed a few tears today because her 18 year old daughter has moved out of home and gone to Melbourne. She was lamenting, where has my baby gone?

Best wishes to you, Poppy x

mrs smith said...

Suse, I hear you sister. I believe that loads of woman go through a version of what you were feeling after their first child. Especially me. I went mental after my first. I'm not sure if it was depression but it was intense and helped along by breastfeeding problems, long labour, sick child. Be reassured by a mother of 3 that recovery with a second is much much faster. You are not going to experience the same level of 'change of life' shock. And if you do, you are going to know exactly what it is and you'll be able to get help easily and quickly. You have great friends with kids who are around to hang out with and unload when needed. Apprehension is normal. All I know is that by my second and third child I don't feel like I lost myself at all, in fact, quite the opposite.

Take care. G

Catherine said...

Hey Susie, Happy Mother's Day to you too.

I love that I sew, as that i the other side of me, i.e. not being a mother. I really need the balance, and I think it helps me be a better mother. I struggled with breastfeeding the first time round too, felt like I wasn't making anywhere near enough milk and after months ofpumping throughout the day and night (awful!) I finally got Lucy off those horrible formula topups the paediatrician put her on in hospital. This time around I was making too much milk! Go figure... And the birth was entirely different too. So please don't worry about things too much as from my experience each time can be completely different.

I love listening to music when I sew too. I go in to my own world, its fantastic.

As for living with a second baby, from my experience just go with the flow for the first 6-8 weeks, and try not to have too many expectations. Things are much easier for me now, and I still manage some sewing between looking after a toddler and a newborn (Audrey is 3 months now). It'll be great for Chloe too, having a sister or a brother to boss about!

Rach said...

I felt very similar after Minnie was born - I look back now and wonder why no-one thought I was mad! I felt nervous when I was pregnant with Alice and after she died, I could not imagine doing it again and desperately wanted to do it again all at the same time. Its tough, this mothering caper.

I hope the fog doesn't settle for too long after your next baby.